more jokes

3. Complain

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: hes allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. “Cold floors,” he says. They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, “Bad food.” They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass. They bring him in for his two words. “I quit,” he says. “Thats not surprising,” the elders say. “You've done nothing but complain since you got here.”

4. In the restaurant

 I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

5. Genius student

Teacher asks student: What is the half of 8?
Student: Miss horizontally or vertically?
Teacher: What do mean?
Student: Horizontally it is 0 and vertically it is 3.

6. Eyes, nose and ears helps to see

Teacher: What makes you see?
student: My eyes, my nose and my ears.
Teacher: True for the eyes but why for your ears and nose?
student: It's to hold my glasses!!!

7. Just kidding

Father: Son this time, you have to score 90% marks in your exams.
Son: No father I'll score 100% marks.
Father: Why are you kidding?
Son: Who started?

8. Forgetting disease

 PATIENT: Doctor I keep on forgetting things.
DOCTOR: Since when did you have these problems?
PATIENT:What problems?

9. Faithful dogs 

Two neighbors are talking to each other.
First neighbor: Do you know that my dog is so smart, he waits for the newspaper to drop at the doorstep and then delivers it to me?
Second neighbor: Of course, I know that very well.
First neighbor: Really, well then, how?
Second neighbor: My dog came and told me.

10. Computer too feels tired

 Why was the computer tired when he got home?
Because he had a hard drive.